Why Wouldn’t Mom Want to Live Closer to You When Selecting an Assisted Living Facility?

August 18, 2021 by ·

You may have been working to convince your elderly mother that assisted living is the best option for her future for some time. Finally, though, she agreed after she looked into it more, spoke with some friends, and maybe even visited a local assisted living community.

Perhaps your elderly mother lives an hour or more away from you and you were expecting, when talking about assisted living, that she would move closer to you. As an elder care option, assisted living is one of those top choices among seniors.

However, you just realized your mother doesn’t want to move closer to you and your children and perhaps other family members, but would rather stay close to where she lives now. Why would she want to do that? Why wouldn’t she want to be closer to her family, the people who love her most?

Many seniors build strong connections in their local communities.

Assisted Living Mobile, AL: Parents and Assisted Living

It’s the same as what happens with you and others. The longer you live in a town or even the same house, the more you get to know your neighbors, the neighbor surrounding your neighbors, people in your community, and so forth.

The longer a person lives in the same place, the more friendships they forge. That is most likely why your mother wants to remain close to where she is, rather than moving closer to you. And that’s okay.

It’s important to support her decision.

You may have expected your mother to move closer to you and your family, but you need to respect and support her decision. Keep in mind that when it comes to elder care options, the senior has the choice, not you. You can’t force her or anyone else to do something against her will.

There are plenty of things you can do that will support her as she makes this transition to a new home at assisted living.

First, be encouraging.

Instead of arguing about why she hasn’t decided to move closer to you, taking this opportunity to do so, encourage her that this elder care option is the best one for her.

When you brought up assisted living in the first place, you did so because you honestly felt it was the right choice at this stage in her life. That hasn’t changed. Just because she may be choosing something a little farther away than you had hoped doesn’t mean you can disparage this decision now. Be encouraging.

Second, offer to help with the move.

Unfortunately, some people, when they feel slighted, withdraw their offer of help, especially when it comes to moving. Don’t do that. Continue to offer to help with the move.

Even if you are emotionally wounded by this decision, continue to do what you normally would have done if she had decided to move closer to you.

Third, be somebody she can speak to.

When she first moved in, she may want to talk to you. She may be nervous, homesick, or doubtful of her decision. Be a good listening ear, a friend. Don’t tell her she made the wrong choice, but continue to encourage her that this was the right choice and both of you will see, in the end, it is.

If you or an aging loved one are considering Assisted Living near Mobile, AL, contact Ashbury Manor Specialty Care and Assisted Living at 251-317-3017.

Filed Under: Assisted Living · Tagged: ,
About Cindy Johnson

Ashbury Manor’s Administrator since 2008, Cindy Johnson is a long-time expert in the assisted living field. Prior to her arrival at Ashbury Manor, Cindy managed acquisitions and crisis management for existing and new larger senior care project developments for eleven years. As regional manager for an Oregon-based assisted living management company, Cindy was directly responsible for operations for five 50-65 bed assisted living facilities. As manager during the transition to new ownership, Cindy reorganized internal operations and conducted leadership training for Executive Directors. As a result of her management and expertise, one of the company’s facilities (in Ocala, Florida) received a deficiency-free survey, resulting in the lifting of a moratorium on operation.

A nurse for 36 years, senior care has always been Cindy’s passion. Desiring to work more closely with residents, Cindy became a Category II Administrator in 2005. As Ashbury Manor’s Administrator, Cindy understands the complexities associated with dementia and cognitive impairment and she has fallen in love with seniors with dementia or cognitive impairment and their families.

Cindy is Treasurer of the local “Senior Coalition” chapter. She enjoys mentoring new candidates who want to become administrators.

As a 16-bed facility, with Cindy's training and experience, our residents and their families can be sure Ashbury Manor’s carefully selected staff provides the expertise of a larger facility while maintaining the individualized personal care of a small special needs home.
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