It’s taken many months, possibly even years, but finally your mother has agreed to move into an assisted living facility. This has felt like a wonderful relief, but something is not quite right. When you were talking to her about assisted living, you were trying to convince her to move closer to you. You thought with her living only maybe 10 or 15 minutes away from you that you’d be able to spend much more quality time together. As it stands, every time you have to go visit her is a major issue because she lives several hundred miles away.
Assisted Living in Daphne AL: Choosing a Location
But, she wants to remain close to where she is now.
This has caused a new level of frustration for you. You’re happy she’s finally accepted her own limitations and been honest about the challenges she faces daily. You’re thrilled she is going to be surrounded by peers her own age and the possibility of taking part in a variety of activities that may be presented at a particular facility.
However, you know it’s best for her to be closer to you.
She would get to see your children, her grandchildren, spend more quality time with family, and still get all of the same benefits because the assisted living facility near you also provides many of the same assets.
Right now, this is causing tension between the two of you. You don’t want to listen to her saying she’ll live closer to where she is now. You are being firm that she should move closer to you. It’s gotten to the point where every time you speak on the phone it seems to devolve into an argument. You’re at your wits end. You just don’t want to hear what she has to say; you’re not going to relent on this. After all, you didn’t work this hard to convince her assisted living is best only to have nothing really change.
Whose decision is this?
The one thing many family members overlook is that the aging senior has every right to decide where he or she lives and what kind of support he or she receives. In this type of scenario, your mother has been living in this area for years. It might be decades. She has connections to the area, friends, people she considers her family in many ways.
This doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to see you or doesn’t care; it simply means this is where her home is. Ultimately, it’s important that we, as younger adults, adult children of aging parents, recognize that they are still independent, autonomous, and deserve our respect.
It may not be exactly what we want, but when an aging parent or other person we care about finally does choose assisted living, it’s a great relief and decision. Celebrate it, even if where they go isn’t exactly what we had in mind.
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