When Mom Refuses Assisted Living, What Can You Do?

June 19, 2017 by ·

It’s been frustrating, to say the least. In fact, you may have never felt as frustrated in your entire life as you do now. Your mother, even though you know she’s not safe at home and even though you are absolutely convinced she would benefit from assisted living, won’t look into the option.

You’ve been taking care of her as best you can.

Assisted Living in Mobile AL: When Mom Refuses Assisted Living, What Can You Do?

Assisted Living in Mobile AL: When Mom Refuses Assisted Living, What Can You Do?

In recent weeks or months, you may have become her primary caregiver. You might live close to her and she has leaned on you for more and more help. This is causing frustration for you because you’re giving up many aspects of your own personal life and this is not what you want for your future.

You’ve talked to your mother about other options, but every single one you bring up she shoots down. She simply doesn’t want to hear about it.

Is there anything you can do?

You cannot force your mother or any other elderly individual who is lucid and of sound mind to choose a living environment with which they are not comfortable, don’t know much about, or don’t have any interest in. Yes, you may be exactly right in your concerns about your mother’s well-being and safety at home, but that doesn’t change the facts.

She has the legal right (not to mention a moral and ethical right) to decide where she lives. You may be more focused on what’s best for her in being safe that you’re not actually listening to some of the things she has to say.

What can you do?

Sit down and have an honest and open conversation with her. Don’t just talk to her but listen. Ask questions. Maybe she has certain misconceptions about assisted living. Many seniors and their families actually think this type of living environment is nothing more than glorified nursing home care. The two are completely different and if you find out your mother has this misconception, you can begin to reshape her thinking and explain what modern assisted living communities are all about.

More often than not people discount this type of senior care facility because of either misconceptions or cost. There are ways to help temper the cost, but when you’re discussing convenience, safety, and quality of life, nothing is better than assisted living. Be patient and keep the communication lines open with your mother; she may very well come around and realize the benefits of assisted living.

If you or an aging loved one are considering assisted living in Mobile, AL, contact Ashbury Manor Specialty Care and Assisted Living at 251-317-3017.

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About Cindy Johnson

Ashbury Manor’s Administrator since 2008, Cindy Johnson is a long-time expert in the assisted living field. Prior to her arrival at Ashbury Manor, Cindy managed acquisitions and crisis management for existing and new larger senior care project developments for eleven years. As regional manager for an Oregon-based assisted living management company, Cindy was directly responsible for operations for five 50-65 bed assisted living facilities. As manager during the transition to new ownership, Cindy reorganized internal operations and conducted leadership training for Executive Directors. As a result of her management and expertise, one of the company’s facilities (in Ocala, Florida) received a deficiency-free survey, resulting in the lifting of a moratorium on operation.

A nurse for 36 years, senior care has always been Cindy’s passion. Desiring to work more closely with residents, Cindy became a Category II Administrator in 2005. As Ashbury Manor’s Administrator, Cindy understands the complexities associated with dementia and cognitive impairment and she has fallen in love with seniors with dementia or cognitive impairment and their families.

Cindy is Treasurer of the local “Senior Coalition” chapter. She enjoys mentoring new candidates who want to become administrators.

As a 16-bed facility, with Cindy's training and experience, our residents and their families can be sure Ashbury Manor’s carefully selected staff provides the expertise of a larger facility while maintaining the individualized personal care of a small special needs home.
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