Spending Too Much Time with a Senior Parent in Assisted Living Could Be Counterproductive

February 13, 2018 by ·

Your father wasn’t too keen on the idea of assisted living at first, but eventually he came around. You were relieved because looking after him was taking a toll. You didn’t have a lot of time, but because you live relatively close to him, everyone else in your family was looking to you to step up and support him.

You began talking about other options, including assisted living, and though he wasn’t interested at first, he eventually came around to seeing it as a reasonable option.

Assisted Living in Theodore AL: Visiting Too Often

Assisted Living in Theodore AL: Visiting Too Often

That’s when the guilt began pouring in.

When you helped him pack up his belongings, you noticed how sad he seemed. You paid attention to his demeanor. You got the impression he was seeing this as the beginning of the end, that things are only going to go downhill from here. That caused a tremendous amount of guilt for you.

So, when he moved in, you decided to spend as much time as you could with him.

You begin stopping by every single day. Maybe you visited after work. Perhaps you lived close enough or worked close enough that you were able to stop over there for a quick lunch date.

You started calling him several times throughout the day to check in. You wanted to see how things were going, if he was meeting new people, making new friends, and exploring some of the activities that were available at this facility.

It seemed like a great thing to do at the time.

But then you received a call from the staff. One of the administrators at the assisted living facility contacted you and needed to talk. You agreed, putting yourself in a quiet area at your office, and listened as this individual explained the impact your regular visits were having.

“Your father is spending more time in his room rather than getting out and meeting with other people,” this individual said. They explained that your father was waiting for you to visit, relying on your attention, even to the point of missing certain activities because, as he told somebody at the facility, he didn’t want to miss your call.

Spending too much time with the senior at assisted living could be the wrong move.

Yes, it is certainly important to support those who are going through these difficult life changes, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to constantly visit, call, and take up their time.

When you step back, when you slow down, you will discover your father begins to explore the world around him and discover this really was a great move.

If you or an aging loved one are considering assisted living in Theodore, AL, contact Ashbury Manor Specialty Care and Assisted Living at 251-317-3017.

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About Cindy Johnson

Ashbury Manor’s Administrator since 2008, Cindy Johnson is a long-time expert in the assisted living field. Prior to her arrival at Ashbury Manor, Cindy managed acquisitions and crisis management for existing and new larger senior care project developments for eleven years. As regional manager for an Oregon-based assisted living management company, Cindy was directly responsible for operations for five 50-65 bed assisted living facilities. As manager during the transition to new ownership, Cindy reorganized internal operations and conducted leadership training for Executive Directors. As a result of her management and expertise, one of the company’s facilities (in Ocala, Florida) received a deficiency-free survey, resulting in the lifting of a moratorium on operation.

A nurse for 36 years, senior care has always been Cindy’s passion. Desiring to work more closely with residents, Cindy became a Category II Administrator in 2005. As Ashbury Manor’s Administrator, Cindy understands the complexities associated with dementia and cognitive impairment and she has fallen in love with seniors with dementia or cognitive impairment and their families.

Cindy is Treasurer of the local “Senior Coalition” chapter. She enjoys mentoring new candidates who want to become administrators.

As a 16-bed facility, with Cindy's training and experience, our residents and their families can be sure Ashbury Manor’s carefully selected staff provides the expertise of a larger facility while maintaining the individualized personal care of a small special needs home.
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