Roger is what people often called a ‘fiercely’ independent person. Widowed in his 60s, he never had interest in dating again. He rarely asked his family or friends for help around the house, even as he moved into his 70s and approaching 80. When he was 79 he was still getting the ladder out to clean out the gutters. At that time in his life, he wasn’t thinking about assisted living.
But, by the time he was 85, he knew something had to change.
He wasn’t too keen on the idea, but he also couldn’t just simply stand by while his house fell apart around him. With the help of his adult son who lived not too far away, he visited a couple of assisted living facilities in the area and decided on one that seemed to hold his interest. There were a couple of men he had known many years ago living there. They weren’t exactly friends, but recognition was something important to him.
Because of his fierce independence, he had a difficult time asking for help.
Roger was having trouble getting out of bed some mornings. It wasn’t all the time, but when he was stiff, sore, or had a difficult time turning over, crawling out of bed made him nervous. He kept feeling as though he was about to slip and fall down, mostly before he could swing his legs out and get his feet firmly planted beneath him.
Even at this assisted living facility, he couldn’t ask for help.
One afternoon he did slip and fall out of bed. It took him a while to finally call for help, and when staff arrived, the individual asked him why he didn’t call for help when he fell. He really didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t the kind of situation he was comfortable with or had any experience dealing with.
Once the staff at this facility realized his personality, they began checking in with him more frequently. They didn’t do it in a way that would make him feel helpless, but rather empowered. Because of their compassion and incredible experience working with other seniors just like Roger, they knew the best strategies to get him understanding that calling for help had no bearing whatsoever on his ability to be independent, strong, and proud of himself.
Eventually, Roger made the most out of this move and truly felt it was the best decision he made at that point in his life.
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