Dad Wants to Move in with You, Assisted Living near Theodore AL is the Better Option: How to Talk about These Issues

February 26, 2014 by ·

“ Story concerning how to discuss Assisted living when Dad wants to live with you”

The other day you called your father to check on him.  Ever since he’s been alone in a relatively large home (too large for him, you think), you’ve been concerned about his health and well-being.  He keeps mentioning that he has trouble with some basic things, such as getting around the house, going up or down stairs, or even cooking his own meals.  You’ve known for some time that he would be asking whether he can move in with you, but you have done your research and you believe that assisted living is the right option for him.Assisted Living Theodore AL

The problem that you’re having, now that he has brought up the subject in passing, such as, “I could do so much better if I were living closer to you,” or something to that effect, is that you don’t know how to bring up the notion of assisted living with him. You don’t want to hurt his feelings and you certainly don’t want him to think that you don’t care about him.

How do you talk about these issues?  First of all, you need to keep in mind that living with you isn’t going to change his circumstances or his health.  If your father moved in with you, that alone will be a major life change for you, whether you live alone, with a spouse, or other people in the house.  Second, when you have a person living with you who requires any type of extra care, it will eventually place a greater burden on your shoulders and this can lead to a great deal of stress.

The best way to talk about potentially having your father consider moving into an assisted living facility is to gather as much information as you can about different types of facilities in the area.  What amenities do they offer?  Are there activities that your father would be interested in?  Is your father, or was he, a social person?  In other words, did he tend to go out and meet people easily and like talking to others?

Is there an assisted living facility that is close to you so that you could visit him regularly?  Having one’s own place, their own living space, is important, especially for those who have lived independently for most of their life but find that they are struggling on their own now.

When your father hints that he wants to live with you, be honest and forthright and tell him that you believe assisted living would be the better option for both of you, especially him.  Just remember that you should never feel guilty for wanting your loved one to be cared for, or for not wanting them to move in with you.  Losing their independence to some degree doesn’t mean that you should have to lose yours.

If you or an aging loved one are considering Assisted Living, contact Ashbury Manor Specialty Care and Assisted Living near Theodore AL, at 251-317-3017.

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About Cindy Johnson

Ashbury Manor’s Administrator since 2008, Cindy Johnson is a long-time expert in the assisted living field. Prior to her arrival at Ashbury Manor, Cindy managed acquisitions and crisis management for existing and new larger senior care project developments for eleven years. As regional manager for an Oregon-based assisted living management company, Cindy was directly responsible for operations for five 50-65 bed assisted living facilities. As manager during the transition to new ownership, Cindy reorganized internal operations and conducted leadership training for Executive Directors. As a result of her management and expertise, one of the company’s facilities (in Ocala, Florida) received a deficiency-free survey, resulting in the lifting of a moratorium on operation.

A nurse for 36 years, senior care has always been Cindy’s passion. Desiring to work more closely with residents, Cindy became a Category II Administrator in 2005. As Ashbury Manor’s Administrator, Cindy understands the complexities associated with dementia and cognitive impairment and she has fallen in love with seniors with dementia or cognitive impairment and their families.

Cindy is Treasurer of the local “Senior Coalition” chapter. She enjoys mentoring new candidates who want to become administrators.

As a 16-bed facility, with Cindy's training and experience, our residents and their families can be sure Ashbury Manor’s carefully selected staff provides the expertise of a larger facility while maintaining the individualized personal care of a small special needs home.
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