Roger and Melissa lived in the same town in which they grew up. Brother and sister, they looked after one another and their parents as they got older. After their father passed away, both Roger and Melissa stepped up to take care of their mother. As time passed, though, and life pulled them in different directions, they were available less frequently. In recent months, they both noticed their mother having extreme difficulty taking care of herself in a safe and healthy manner.
Assisted Living in Saraland AL: Stuck in the Middle
That’s when Roger began talking about assisted living.
When both Roger and Melissa would stop by to visit their mother at the same time, he assumed his sister would be on board and supportive. He began talking about assisted living as an option, and when their mother became hostile and belligerent, talking about never having to be put into a facility like that, or that they didn’t really care about her and just wanted to ‘pawn her off on someone else,’ Melissa didn’t say anything at all.
Melissa wasn’t quite sure this was the best option.
She understood there were various benefits to assisted living, but she also realized that her mother was an independent, autonomous individual who had every right to decide where she lived and what happened to her in the future.
She felt caught in the middle and Roger couldn’t understand her complete silence on the subject. He was getting drawn into arguments with his mother, looking to Melissa to support him, and finding no assistance. He was frustrated and even angry.
For Melissa, feeling caught in the middle wasn’t just a matter of trying to do the right thing, but to avoid confrontation. As long as Roger was taking the ‘heat,’ she seemed okay with that. However, the longer this went on for, the more it concerned her.
What she did, because she didn’t really know much about assisted living, was contacted a few facilities in the region. She went on a couple of tours, sat down with an administrator, and learned more about the benefits it offered. She began to realize her brother had been more right than she ever could have imagined.
She knew her mother would be in a great place with a particular assisted living facility. She finally concurred and when the discussions came up, she sided with her brother, but she also understood her mother needed to make this decision without feeling pressured.
It took time, but with family on the same ‘page,’ it made all the difference in the world, not just for Roger, but their mother as well.
About Cindy Johnson
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